Two blogs in one day! This can only mean one thing... I have an announcement!

I HAVE BEEN CLEARED FOR IVF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I called my nurse at the RE and she should call me back tomorrow. We should be able to get started as soon as I get my period (if I get it)! We have the money ready and the high risk OB is signing off! I am SO EXCITED. My mom came with me and she was thrilled. She called my dad before I could! Andy is happy but he's at work so he didn't get to be as excited as I wanted him to be lol. I believe we'll start BCPs when I get my period. I just can't believe it. I really could have a baby this year! It's amazing!!

Still Alive... For Now!

I think I'm dead. I haven't confirmed this yet, but I'm pretty certain that I am actually a zombie. I generally have low temperatures (high 96s or low 97s) when I wake up, but today's temperature was actually a little frightening. It started off in the high 96s on day 4 or so, but today I was in the 95s! How can I still be alive?? Does this mean my hormones are terribly confused? Or do I just run low and had a particularly cold night? Anyway, this is what my chart looks like:

I must be dying slowly. I hope it goes back up tomorrow 'cause it's a little scary. But look at all my "Fertile" days lol. That's only because I've ovulated anywhere between CD16 and 21 multiple times. I hope this is our month!!!!

Last night my parents had a party for a lot of our friends and family. Andy actually got out of work early enough to be able to go. We had a lot of fun but we weren't expecting the baby comments. I got a couple "We're hoping for good news from you soon!" comments, and I thought they were talking about my kidneys at first. A few people accosted Andy without me though, and confirmed that they were talking about babies. They also forced a very uncomfortable conversation about how we should "keep trying and have fun" and how it's still fun 37 years later. Wow. That's a conversation I'm glad I didn't have to have, but I'm sorry Andy did lol. I was definitely feeling a little pressure, but we're very open about our struggles, so I know they all meant it in the most supportive of ways.

I am trying not to set myself up for disappointment, but I just want this month to be it for us. We're doing the best we can. And I have my beautiful baby Rio to comfort me.

Holy hot dreams, batman! It's been so long since I took soy that I completely forgot about this side effect. Every time I close my eyes I have sex dreams. The majority are actually about my husband, so when I wake up I'm like "heeeeyyyy hubby......" haha. I always figured part of my lack of sex drive was hormonal, and I think the fact that soy definitely helps proves that to a degree. But it also proves that it's doing something. It's scary how excited I am about this month. I get up every day excited to take my temperature and write it down. I'm so hoping I get better temps this month from the soy. And the lower doses of prednisone. I still have that appointment on Monday and I'm SO hoping she says we can start the IVF because if she does we can start as soon as I get my period... but I hope I don't get it because I'm pregnant! I've decided that we just need to have sex like 40 times over the three days once I get my +OPK. With Andy's 5% morph, if we have sex 3x as much as normal people, it'll be the same number of normal sperm as if we had a normal count and had sex once, right!? It'll be like he doesn't have a morph issue! That's what I've decided. So once I get my +OPK, we're going to have sex twice that day and once the next.. 3 times over 24 hours. I hope I can get hubs to agree. But he really wants this baby and he really wants it naturally. And.. he's male. So it shouldn't take much convincing.

In the spirit of being excited about babies, I picked out a crib today! My doctor, and a Hopkins high risk OB have both said that as long as my creatinine stays under 1.4 I should have an uneventful pregnancy. Seeing that 1.0 in my email made me feel good. My kidneys are still doing their job. Yes, they're leaking, but they're still filtering. It makes me feel a little better. And I love picking out baby stuff. So here's the crib and dresser:

I am thoroughly in love with this set! I've always danced around the idea of various cribs, but I saw this one and fell in love right away. I'm also going to get a rocker. I have a bookcase that my dad made me as well. I really need to get pregnant so I can put the nursery together and go into stores looking at baby clothes with the intention of buying instead of holding up cute outfits and wishing I had a baby to put in them! 

I'm brimming with excitement right now. This can't be good!

Well the results are finally in. My creatinine is 1.0, which is good, but my protein is still 5600. It's less than 6000, but it's apparently not a significant decrease because he said it was basically the same. This is obviously not good news, but it's really what I expected. I had only been on the medication for a little over 2 months, so I'm hoping that when I do another test it's a little better. I didn't take the medicine as well as I should have with the last dosage of 80. But I'm on track again so hopefully it won't affect too much. The thing I keep trying to remind myself of is that when I first started seeing this doctor back in February of 2009, by creatinine was about .95 or so, and it's bounced around between that and 1.2 since then, so it's essentially stayed the same for 2 years. That's a good thing that I try to keep in mind.

Monday my mom and I are going to the high risk OB. I told my mom I might tear up and she'll have to talk. Our plan is to tell her what my nephrologist said he told her - that this is the best my kidneys are going to get, so if we want to go through with the IVF it should be now. And that I'm willing to do anything to protect my baby and keep myself safe, but that we're going to try with or without her help. Andy has 5% morph and a slightly low count, but that doesn't mean we won't conceive. It might take longer but it can happen. But given my health, the faster the better. So I hope she helps us. We're going to beg and plead if nothing else works. I wish Andy could come with me but he can't. He's given his blessing to our plan though.

My coworker, who got married 3 months after we started trying to conceive and who got pregnant on her honeymoon, is 35 weeks now and getting ready for the baby. It's sort of depressing. Her baby had hiccups today and I got to feel the baby moving. It was really sweet. I could just imagine her in there hiccuping and moving around. She's 6lb 4 oz as of yesterday. My other friend says she's late, though I don't think she knows exactly when she ovulates. They've been trying for 6 months and she has endo so it would be great for her if she got pregnant. It'd be hard, but she understands what I'm going through so she'd understand that it's tough. And she's super excited to have a baby too, so I hope it works out for her soon. I've always had a silly wish that we would get pregnant very close to each other so neither of us had to deal with the jealousy.

I bought OPKs today! I'm so excited about that. And I'm going to get more preseed to help the sperm. His motility is actually pretty good.. 58% I think? But I'm hoping it helps some of the ones that might move a little slower to get where they need to be. We're so looking forward to this month. I just want it to work! But because I'm so happy to be back on the trying train (with a somewhat improved sex drive and better chances because we'll be having sex more than once during my fertile period) I'm going to go look at some baby stuff! I may post what I find.

Edit: Ok so I totally didn't find the cute thing I was looking for. But I'll tell you what I did find. If we got pregnant this month, based on LMP, our baby's official due date would be 10/10. Our anniversary! I know, I know.. everyone always looks for "signs". But it's still cool. My 38 week due date since I'm delivering early would be the 26th. But I honestly think our baby is going to come closer to 34 weeks anyway. It's just a feeling. I hope it stays in there until 38, but... I feel 34. 

I talked to Andy a little bit last night about this upcoming cycle. He says he has a "good feeling". This isn't the first time he's said this. He tends to have a good feeling every month, but I do feel better about it than I have in the past. I think a lot of it has to do with the HSG. I've always gotten so many random, weird pains throughout my cycle and I was a little afraid there would be something wrong because of this. Knowing that everything is actually OK in there feels good. I think I'm going to try the soy just for an extra push. It tends to make my OPKs come out as definite positives which I think is a good sign hormonally. How cool would it be for us to get pregnant on our own after all the things we've dealt with in 2010? I'm not expecting it, but I know we're going to give it our all. It would be a great birthday present for my mom, whose birthday falls just after we'd get our first ultrasound. She's been so pumped about having a grandbaby.

I still don't have my test results, but that's OK. I'm ready to get this month started either way. I'm so early I can't do anything yet, but I am so hopeful. Probably too hopeful. I got a pout from hubs when I told him my period started this month and we were told not to try because of the HSG. I know next month he'll be really disappointed as we start year 2 of TTC. I hope this is our year. We want this so much.